i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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