I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
