$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
