i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
