i jhust puked up my retainher.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
