I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
