Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
