How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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