it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I want a musical about memes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize