every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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