porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
