Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
