It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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