he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
