I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
