im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize