see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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