My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
