kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
