she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
