she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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