i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
