Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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