Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
