I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
honey bunches of taint.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And then my night got REAL pukey
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
