please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize