She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize