47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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