Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
