one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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