i already hear my dad disowning me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
