it was like having sex with a tree stump
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
