Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
COCAINE IS GR8
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