apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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