You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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