Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
