it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
