life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
