if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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