...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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