moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
