I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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