the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
