Pregnant stripper...not hot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
