thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why didn't you poke me back
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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