I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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