I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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