some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
