I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
