i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize