i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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