I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
