oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
