i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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