I want to stick my p in your. b.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
