Porn is love you can see.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
