I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
