just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
