I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
