I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hippo gnu deer
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
