my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
