So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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