i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
