The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
