yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize