All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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