guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
