If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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