i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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