He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
