My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
