he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
