This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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