My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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