I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
